Panic Attacks and Pregnancy

I miss my meds!

For anyone that’s ever had a panic attack, found some comfort in medicine and then got PREGNANT, you know what i’m going through right now.

My grandmother died this weekend and it sparked that horrible fear of dying/fear of the unknown that causes me tremendous anxiety.  The more I thought about her passing, the more I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest and that I would be the next one to drop dead.

I couldn’t concentrate, I was shaking, I didn’t want to leave my house and I physically could not calm myself down.  I had at least 4 severe attacks yesterday and just sat in tears until they passed.

Normally when this happens, I take a half of .25 mg of xanax (I’m a lightweight) to ease the hyperventilation and calm my nerves a bit.  But, since I’m pregnant, I just have to suffer it out.

Thankfully I have an OB/GYN who understands the severity of panic disorder and recommended a few weeks ago that I take benedryl if it gets this bad.  I’ve yet to go that route, but its comforting to know there’s SOMETHING I can do instead of making a trip to the ER.

I’ve also started myself on a magnesium/B vitamin/calcium combination to see if I can’t fight back using a more natural approach.  I’ve even considered meeting with a local doctor that specializes in alternative medicine for some ideas on how to deal with a chemical imbalance without medication.

I would love to hear of any success stories out there of women that have controlled their panic disorder during pregnancy.  Feel free to comment or email me with suggestions or tips!

My unplanned pregnancy confirmed

So it’s been exactly 1 week since my unplanned pregnancy was confirmed via internal exam.  I’m still very much in denial and have only told close friends and family (oh yeah, and the whole blogosphere). 

My emotions have been very up in the air with this one.  When I found out about Jake, I was nervous, but excited.  This time around I find myself crying at the thought of having a 2 kids only 16 months apart.  The words “I can’t do this” and “I just didn’t want another baby right now” have escaped out of my mouth more than once in the past week.

Now I realize how wrong that is.  The baby didn’t ask to be born– and the timing issue is my own fault.  I just still can’t help this overwhelming sadness that keeps coming on me regarding the whole thing.

I also realize that i’m pregnant, emotional and stressed out from all of the other drama that is my life, so im hoping with time that I’ll be more accepting of our new bundle of joy.

But today, as my 9 month old won’t sleep and cries all night because his teeth hurt and I can’t even see straight because im throwing up all day and we are barely back on our feet financially, I can’t help but feel distant this time around.

Even seeing these thoughts put to paper (er, blog) makes me feel like a horrible mother.  Of course I will love this baby and make due, but i’m sad about it and can’t seem to shake these early baby blues.

Just talk amongst yourselves….

A few random thoughts for today:

In Politics:

• Please do not pretend to be someone you are not.  If you are a cheater, tell the world your a cheater.  If you are a closet coke whore, let us know.  If your gay, come out BEFORE you run for office.  Don’t ask for our money and commitment if you are only going to embarrass your supporters, your family and yourself in years to come.   And if you really feel the urge to party like a rockstar, resign first. 

In the Workplace:

• If your a boss, realize now that everyone has value and everyone deserves respect.  You may be richer, smarter, prettier, craftier than anyone else in your organization, but lets face it, you need people if you want to continue what you are doing.  If you mentally abuse/harass these people, you will find yourself alone/broke/unsuccessful eventually.  Every dog has its day.

Spiritual:

• Continuing on the topic of respect, being a Christian does not give you the right to judge or treat people like second class citizens.  If you truly practiced what you preached, you would get out of your million dollar churches and start helping the homeless and ::GASP:: even those from different religious backgrounds.  Your people are not God’s people….instead, ALL people are Gods people.  So stop acting high and mighty and get your hands dirty for once.  When was the last time you wrote a check to cover someone’s electric bill?  When was the last time you bought a few bags of groceries for a cancer stricken neigbor?  When was the last time you babysat for free because you knew the mother couldn’t afford it and needed to go to work?   Stop passing out your dumb paper tracks and make a real difference for once.

Mentally:

• DO NOT judge people just because you know they are on medicine.  In our high stress world, people are on medicine for a variety of reasons.  I bet the most “normal” person you know probably takes Zoloft or Lexipro or Xanax.  That doesn’t necessarily make them crazy.  Nor does it give you the right to make comments such as “did you taken your medicine today?” when you are having a disagreement on a completely different level. That’s similar to chalking up any fight with a woman to PMS.  It’s rude, it’s wrong and it’s ignorant on your part.  Have a little respect.

OK, I feel better now.  I’ll let you all talk amongst yourselves regarding what we’ve just discussed

Can a chiropractor help panic disorder? My 30-day experiement.

First and foremost, let me clarify that I did not call a chiropractor in search of mental help.  I actually twisted my neck in my sleep a few months ago, and I’ve been in pain ever since.  The neck episode also gave me TMJ which is getting unbearably worse.

However, while I was searching for a chiropractor, I came across a few studies which seem to suggest that chiropractic care is a natural cure for most mental disorders, including panic attacks.

If you’ve ever had a panic attack (or know someone that has), you realize that was music to my ears.  

If you’ve never had one, this brief real-life illustration should shed some light on things:

Therapist: Explain your symptoms.

Me: Chest pain, shortness of breath, feel like I’m choking or throat closing in, dizzy, knees give out, feel like I’m going to die……

Therapist:  Well what are you worrying about when these come on?

Me:  Nothing.  The physical symptoms happen first and then I get scared.

Therapist:  Certainly there must be something.

Me:  I’ve had them since I was 5.  What was I worried about at 5?  My grandmothers on BOTH sides have them, so does an aunt and my sister. 

Therapist:  You must have repressed the cause of your anxiety…here is medicine until we get to the bottom of it.

Silly isn’t it.  

So long story short, I was referred to Dr. Neil Liebman, the Chiropractor for the Philadelphia 76ers.  He firmly belives that anxiety issues can be traced back to the misfiring of nerves that are falsely triggering the “fight or flight” response.  To correct this, he administers Fenzian and Cold Laser treatments to re-balance the nervous system and encourage your body to heal itself. 

My Starting Prognosis

I don’t even have words to explain how crazy my first appointment was!  After going over in detail my medical history, Dr. Liebman hooks me up to this ekg-like machine that shows how the nerves are acting in your body and where your trouble areas are. 

Here was my reading:

If you can see the image clearly, the colorless figure on the right is normal.  However, my multi-colored reading (especially in my neck and lower back area) shows major bad stuff going on. 

Without too much conversation, the doctor knew I had sciatic pain that went into my left leg from the baby, horrible pain in my neck, and anxiety issues due to my off the chart sympathetic nervous system reading.

Honestly, it was painless and super informative.  It was also comforting to physically hear that this was not in my head and he can help me get to the bottom of this.  

So, if the doctor thinks he can fix me in 30 days (3X per week), i’m gonna give it a shot. I have nothing to lose.

At the very least, I felt good when I left and my jaw has yet to lock up since I have been home.  I guess thats a step in the right direction!

So i’ll continue these posts after each visit for the poor person surfing the web at 1am looking for help (yes, I’ve been there).  If it works, I hope others will catch on and ditch their meds for good.  If it doesn’t work, its one less self-help remedy that a neurotic anxiety sufferer (such as myself) can ignore in their quest for wellness.

I think its a win-win either way

Not Another Mommy Blogger!

Not another one!

Sorry world, it’s true.

I keep getting very strange looks when people ask me for my mommy blog address and I tell them I don’t have one. 

So here it is. 

I know there’s a lot of critics out there, but “mommy blogging” per se has changed my life.  I have never met a more supportive, selfless and empowering group of women than those in the blogging community. 

Motherhood has it’s own tests and trials, but with it came a sense of belonging to what will someday be a force to be reckoned with. 

So here I am world.  Ready to blog.

Just remember, Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy has nothing on me.  I have plenty to say… if your really interested!